I'll take this one

Hi! It's your old pal Louie Anderson. Listen, I'm gonna tell ya something. I eat a lot of Charms Blow Pops. You didn't think I got this fat by eating celery sticks, did ya? You know what I like about Blow Pops? There's gum inside! Gum! It's like finding a twenty in your pants pocket, isn't it? Most suckers are gone after you lick 'em, but not Blow Pops. They could last forever if you wanted them to. The thing I don't like about Blow Pops, though, is that the gum isn't that good. What do you expect, though? Gum is never good when it's an extra bonus feature. You know what I mean? Think about that pink piece of cardboard they put in baseball cards! Have you ever tried to chew that thing? It's like a guitar pick, this thing! And that white powder it's covered with--what is that stuff? At least the Blow Pop gum is covered in hard candy. And then there's that point when it's mostly gum with little bits of that candy all over it. Isn't that the greatest thing in the world? It's so sweet! It's almost too sweet, though. It makes your face scrunch up. That face is your body's way of telling you you just got diabetes. Then there's always that little bit of gum that won't come off the stick. So you start chewing on the stick. Then you start thinking about the fact that you're chewing on a paper stick just to get at this teeny bit of mediocre gum and you stop for a second. You look around to see if anyone saw you...then you go back to chewing on that stick again. "Hey, there's still some gum on this stick." It's like that dough that's always stuck to the corndog stick. "Yeah, I'm chewing on a stick! There's still a bunch of dough on this stick! Mind your own business. Are you done with your stick?" The corndog is kinda like the Blow Pop, isn't it? Wouldn't it be neat if there was a hot dog inside a Blow Pop instead of gum? What if everything we ate had a whole new kind of food on the inside, and it was always a surprise? "Hey! There's an onion ring inside my donut! Cool. No, it's not a very good onion ring, but it was free!"