Blue Jay's Notes - April 3rd, 2008

Them grapes on the tree hanging there now that spring has come, they tempting this little blue jay. I fell out of the nest and never learned to fly and my momma and my brothers and sisters forgot about me. I see them eating those berries and grapes and what hurts the most is when I see those big fat worms. They chow down on those and I swear they squint down at me. Just because I can't fly.

Well, I tell you what - I can fly. For real. I flew all the way to Walt Disney World in a dream. I woke up with an-ice cream stomachache - sweetest ailment ever. Better than a worm bellyache. I know, ice cream has too much fat in it and all that luscious cream is no good for the body but this was dream ice cream. And what a dream. I woke up fat from it and the fat was all the good kind of fat. It felt good head to tail - that day I could fly all day like nobody's business. I setup a myspace page that day. I had so much energy. I was wearing shorts and a Miller Lite sleeveless T on that day. I put a picture of myself on there and I have gotten a lot of compliments. My friend Randy said I looked like a real cool bird. I said "thanks Randy" - he's a nice guy. He has a very shiny beak. He works for Wells Fargo and smokes 100's. He has a myspace page too - his has lots of relatively raunchy content. It's a kick. He must spend 20 hours a week working on it. His real name isn't Randy, it's Budsley - he didn't like that name so he went with Randy - after Randy Moss.

He can be a prick sometimes when he has too much hard cider. He once flung an ultimate Frisbee at my plume and bent about 12 feathers. I was pissed at him for about 2 weeks. Randy lives in an empty soup can. A giant family-sized soup can. It's nicer than it sounds.